Winter's Breaking
by earthbound15
Summary: It's funny how heartbreak can bring everyone together. Ch1- Kairi/OC Ch2- Ikuto/Oc
1. When you left I lost a part of me

**Disclaimer: I do not own Shugo Chara or the songs from which the chapter titles came from. I do, however, own all OC's.**

**Pairings: One-sided Kairi/OC, Kairi/ Amu**

**OC information: A girl named Maru Nikaidou. She is Yuu Nikaidou's little sister and Kairi's best friend. She is unofficially a Guardian as she hangs around the male ones so much. She doesn't really like hanging around with girls as she thinks they are bitchy and annoying.**

**Other OC's: Chikako Amakawa (Tsukasa Amakawa's daughter) and Misaki Mashiro (Rima's twin sister)**

**Time period: When Kairi confesses to Amu.**

**((I'm back, guys! And in case you haven't noticed, I've been working on my writing style. Shivaun18's been helping me. Hopefully I've gotten better. Just, you know…a little…))**

* * *

Kairi's confession still hangs heavily in the air. He loves his beautiful Guardian girl. He loves her now. He always will. Until the end of time. And when he comes back, he's going to be a man worthy of her love. If I wasn't paying attention to who he was looking at, or the name he mentioned, I would have thought he was talking to me. His Guardian girl. But unfortunately, I was.

And I'm not the girl he loves.

"_Oops, I broke it," I can imagine him saying monotonously, staring at the broken remains of my heart. "Oh well. It was useless anyway."_

Amu looks adorably shocked. Even from here, I can tell her shock is making him fall even deeper in love with her. She opens and closes her mouth several times, but nothing comes out except a few stutters.

"Um – I – that is-"

Kairi is still drinking her up with his eyes. She's beautiful, anyone could tell you that. But there's one thing that flaws her in my eyes.

"_Look at this girl," I imagine him saying, smirking at me in that familiar smirk that makes my heart twist painfully. "Take note of how she's not you."_

She's the one who has his heart. And I'm not.

Thankfully, instinct kicks in for me and it's like a wall is slid over my face. Every emotion is drained from my face, leaving it as blank as a new white board. I've never been so grateful for my instincts, because if it didn't…Kairi would be able to tell how he destroyed me. How every word he spoke was like a dagger in my heart.

_I imagine him staring incredulously at the small pile of_ _dust he's reduced my heart to. "Wow. I didn't know I could do that. Interesting. I wonder what else I can do?"_

Kairi gives Amu a smile filled with love. She returns it for a split second – maybe automatically – and I see his smile widen.

_I imagine him whipping out a microscope to look at the dust as it crumbles even further._

Maybe it's my fault that he fell in love with Amu. Amu and I are similar. More so than I care to admit. There are only two main differences. The first being how much purer she is than me.

The second is that Amu believed Kairi could become good.

I never thought that Kairi would be able to change his views. His views that Yukari-nee-san is always right and anyone who opposes her is wrong, wrong, WRONG. He'd need to grow a backbone, for one. For another, he loves her more than I love my Nii-san. He'd never cross her, just like I'd never cross Nii-san. But maybe…maybe all he needed was someone to believe that he could change. That he could live up to his would-be self and protect all those who need to be protected. Maybe that was all it took.

Maybe…if I had believed in him…it would be me he'd be saying those words to.

_I imagine Kairi sit back in wonder, still viewing the microscope in pure scientific interest. "I never knew it was possible to destroy something so badly it would cease to exist."_

"Maru-chan!" I hear Tadase gasp. He sounds so concerned, but all I can think is 'why can't Kairi-kun be that concerned over me?'.

Oh god. It even hurts to think his name. Strangely enough in my knees. What…

Oh. No wonder everyone looks so concerned. I'm on the floor. On my hands and knees to be exact. How did I get here?

I try to say 'I'm okay, Tadase-kun,' but the lie only forms in my mouth and stays on my tongue.

"Maru-chan, are you okay?" Kairi asks. Oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god. Kairi. Please don't talk to me. I don't want you to see how every word you speak is like twisting a knife in my heart. How can something hurt so much when it's been destroyed completely?

My stomach churns uncomfortably from the stress. I press a hand to my mouth, squeezing my eyes shut so hard that I can see little dots dance behind my eyelids.

"I don't feel so well…" comes out without me meaning to. Stop it, Maru! You're not supposed to let him see how he's destroyed you!

Suddenly, I feel hands encircle my upper arms. One is small and doll-like. The other is slender, with long tapering fingers.

"She's going to throw up," I hear Chikako (she must be the one with the slender hand) announce as if I'm dying. I try to say no I'm not, I'm fine; but the words don't form in my mouth. Even as I'm being pulled to my feet by her and the owner of the other hand, I hear her continue. "We'll take her to the bathroom."

Suddenly, with more force than I ever knew could come from that sappy, love-sick girl that is Chikako (not to mention the owner of the delicate hand on my other arm), I'm being dragged somewhere. My eyes are still squeezed shut so I don't know where. I'm dragged around for what seems like ages, until something slams into the back of my knees. I buckle a little (the hands keep me upright) and all the unspoken thoughts I had tumble out without me meaning to. They're not fully coherent and all my thoughts slur together.

"Oh god, Kairi-kun – Amu-chan's not me – why, Kairi-kun, why – all my fault – I'm sorry – don't talk to me – hurts so _much_-"

"I know, Maru-chan," I hear a voice murmur. It's Misaki's voice. Rima's sister. The one who declined a place on the Guardians. Why is that stuck-up brat talking to me like she cares about my feelings? "Just a little longer. We're almost there."

I stumble along with my eyes still closed, Kairi's name escaping from my lips every so often. Usually a whimper follows after. Then suddenly, I feel a bench press up against my back. Judging by the spreading dampness on my back, it's wet. I can smell the unmistakable scent of the ladies toilets. Sure enough, when I open my eyes, I'm staring past Chikako and Misaki at some toilets. The place is deserted. Maybe everyone cleared out when they saw me. I open my mouth to ask something – why they care, where everyone went, why they're helping – but what tumbles out isn't a question in any shape or form.

"Oh god, it hurts so much!"

Tears spring from my eyes again and before I know it, I'm sobbing into the shoulder of Misaki. It's a little awkward because she's quite a bit shorter than me, but I don't really care. I'm so upset I don't even care that I'm crying in front of Chikako (boy-crazy, cousin-of-Tadase-and-therefore-spoilt Chikako) and Misaki (snobbish, sister-of-Rima-and-therefore-a-brat Misaki).

I feel a slender hand rest on my back and rub soothing circles. Chikako's sympathetic coos fill my ears. "It's okay, Maru-chan, just let it all out. We're here for you."

I want to snap at her that she doesn't understand what I'm going through, but I realise I would just embarrass myself. The girl's fallen in love so many times and had her heart broken each time that she must know. So she must also know why it feels like this.

"I knew he loved Amu-chan," I continue, still hiccupping slightly through my sobs. Unwillingly, my mind paints a picture of Amu playing the part of a blushing bride for Kairi. It just makes my sobs come out harder. "I knew it all this time. It was so obvious. So why does it hurt so much to hear him admit it?"

Surprisingly, it's not Chikako who answers.

"Because _you_ didn't want to admit it," Misaki whispers. "Oh, Maru-chan, you knew you couldn't hide forever."

The sheer truthfulness of it makes me sob harder. Because it's so true and I hate it. As long as Kairi never told me, I could pretend that he didn't love Amu. That we had one slim chance together. Never mind the fact that I'm his best friend and I know him better than anyone else in the world. Maybe even himself. I could _pretend_ that he didn't love her.

But now that he's confessed…there's no more pretending.

No more hiding.

No more pretending that the love-filled gazes he stares at Amu with were really intended for me.

No more coming to school extra early in hopes to beat Amu so I could spend a few more precious moments with him.

But most of all, no more ignoring the truth that's laid out before so plainly. The truths I had ignored in favour of lies that hurt so much less.

I'm sobbing for so long that it seems insane that no one has walked in and seen me crying. But I know that I can't hide in the bathroom forever. I have to go out there sooner or later and face Kairi and Amu. So I wipe my tears away, hold my head up high even though I'm hurting inside, and let Old Maru take over. Old Maru can face anything. But just in case, I take Misaki's and Chikako's hand when I walk out. I hate being so weak in front of people I barely know, but Old Maru can't do everything. They don't pull away like I half-expect but instead squeeze my hand reassuringly. They're with me and they're not going to let anything get to me. They'll help me.

This must be comfort. It's…kind of nice. Maybe having girl friends is…okay…

But my confident façade doesn't last forever. I see Kairi leaving and something inside me cracks. Old Maru's sense of self preservation is no match for New Maru's love for Kairi. Tears spill down my face and it's all I can do to not run after him and scream 'Wait, Kairi-kun! Don't leave! I love you! I can be Amu-chan for you!'

I stop and my hands go up to cover my eyes. Chikako and Misaki still don't let go of my hands.

"I can't do it!" I whisper heart-brokenly. "Oh god, I can't do it. I can't face him."

They're surprisingly supportive of my cowardice.

"We're not going to make you," Misaki tells me firmly. "Only time can make anything better."

'I don't want to face Amu-chan either,' I try to say, but it doesn't come out through my sobs. I'm startled when Misaki squeezes my hand again and says something that I don't expect.

"We're not going to make you face Amu-chan, either."

Misaki can understand me. She can understand what I can and can't do. We need more Misaki's in the world. Or maybe all girls are like this?

I hear the snap of a phone shutting. Chikako has just gotten off the phone with…who? My mental question is answered a moment later when I see Tadase close his phone too and look up. His eyes widen for a split second at the sight of me, but then soften as he hurries over.

"Are we leaving?" he asks softly. He raises a hand like he's going to put an arm around me, but stops when he sees Misaki and Chikako holding onto my hands with no signs of letting go. Chikako nods.

"Let's get to the car. We'll go back to my place. Mama's visiting some relatives, so she'll be out all day."

Tadase replies, but I'm not listening. I'm too busy staring at Kairi's back, walking further and further away from me and taking what's left of my heart with it. I'm still staring at his back even when it gets out of my sight. I'm still staring at his back as Chikako, Misaki and Tadase hurry me outside, where a car is waiting for them. And I'm still staring at his back when Rima looks up and catches my gaze.

Oh god.

Rima's sister is one thing. Rima is another. But she only smiles gently at me and mouths 'You are not alone' as I'm pulled into the car with Misaki, Chikako and Tadase. Then the door closes and the car screeches away.

"Drop us off at Chikako-chan's house, please," Tadase tells the driver politely. He only grunts and nods. Misaki and Chikako are still holding my hands. The Old Maru would be annoyed by it. By now…now it just serves as a reminder that I don't always have to face things alone.

When we get to Chikako's house, I more than a little shocked by it. I expected something grand from someone so closely related to Tadase. Tadase's rich father married his rich mother. His rich mother had a rich brother, who is Chikako's rich father. So I expected a mansion at the very least. Instead, I'm staring at a shop with 'MIDNIGHT STAR BRIDAL AND FORMAL' plastered on a sign across it. It's one of those types of shops that have a small apartment above it. Fit for maybe one or two people to live in.

We must be at the wrong place. But no, Chikako takes a bundle of keys attached to a key ring from her pocket. The key ring is one of those cute, goofy yellow happy faces that squeak when you squeeze them. She unlocks the door to the bridal shop and we all step in as the car speeds off. She closes it and I don't hide my awe at the many poofy white dresses lining the walls.

No wonder Chikako holds love in such high regard.

"You looked shocked." Chikako's voice breaks me out of my daydream. She looks amused. "Expecting a castle?"

I return my gaze to a particularly beautiful dress on the wall. It's blue, so it must be a formal dress. "Of some kind."

Chikako laughs. "Well, you shouldn't have. I know everyone thinks I'm rich because I'm Tadase's cousin. But…I'm an illegitimate child. A bastard child. The shame of the Amakawa family. They didn't even want me to have their last name, but mama had to get one last dig in at them for insulting me."

There's a lot of things I don't know about the girls in the Guardians, apparently. Maybe I say it out loud by accident, because Misaki laughs. It's a cute laugh and it lights up her face.

"Oh, that's the understatement of the century." She leans in, eyes twinkling cheerfully. "For the record, Maru, I know you think I'm a brat just because I'm Rima's sister. But I'm not. I didn't join the Guardians because that would mean spending time with my sister outside of home. Oh, and my sister isn't a brat either. Not anymore."

"Yeah, I noticed," I mutter weakly as Chikako unlocks another door and we climb a set of stairs. The stairs lead to another door that Chikako has to unlock; and once she does, I'm greeted by a humble apartment with the barest necessities in it. Apart from a couch, a dining table, some chairs, a TV and a bookshelf, there isn't much in the room. There's a small kitchenette tucked away to the side, but that's it. My eyes fall upon a photo on the bookshelf featuring all the Guardians. When I find Kairi and Amu in it (it still _hurts_), my eyes start prickling.

"Maru-chan, you know you're not alone," Misaki whispers, placing a hand on my shoulder. I give a choked sob. Do they even realise how similar they are?

"That's what your sister told me too."

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but she's right," Misaki answers, looking surprised. God forbid she and her sister agree on something. "We all care for you, Maru-chan." She pauses and looks at Chikako. "Well, Rima and I do. I'm not sure about the other girls."

"Yeah, Yaya-chan, Amu-chan and I do," Chikako replies with a smile. I let out a half-surprised, half-disbelieving scoff. It sounds so nice to be cared for by everyone and I want to believe it so badly but…

"None of you know me. Properly, anyway."

"I don't think you understand, Maru-chan," Tadase laughs. "They might not know you extremely well because of the distance you keep between you and other girls, but they do know you. They've seen you around school. They've seen you around the Guardians. They've seen you enough times to know that you're bright, and funny, and charming. And they've seen you enough times to know that they care about you."

Maybe I'm the only one who has difficulty letting people close. Maybe it's easier for other people to care for people that aren't their best friends. But there's still something tugging at my mind.

"Then why would Amu-chan do that?" I ask softly, looking down and letting my hair fall in my face. "Why would she let Kairi-kun fall in love with her?"

There's a pained pause from Tadase and I nearly apologize – I know how Tadase feels about Amu – but my need for an answer, any answer, stops her. I'm sorry, Tadase, but…I need this pain to stop.

"Amu-chan is…" Chikako hesitates. In my heart broken state, I can think of plenty of words to finish the sentence. Stupid. A whore. Someone who needs to die. But it's none of the above. "A little bit oblivious. Believe it or not, she really never knew that Chairman was falling in love with her!"

"I know, it's weird," Misaki mutters. "No idea what Rima sees in her."

Chikako ignores her and tilts my head up, brushing my hair out of my face. The small gesture is so personal that I try to shrink back from it.

"But, Maru-chan…you are not alone. There are people who care for you. So just…let these people help you. Because we know losing Kairi is tough, but it's going to be tougher if you don't have any friends to help you through it."

I look from Tadase to Chikako to Misaki. All wear different expressions (Tadase looks pleading, Chikako looks sympathetic, Misaki looks concerned) and all are as different as dawn, day and dusk…but all are trying to help me. So I take a deep breath, still my shaking hands and try to think of something to say. But all I can say is, "It hurts…"

It's obvious, I know, but it's all I can think of. And it works, because as I feel three different pairs of arms wrap around me as I start sobbing. When I'm done, I can finally finish the sentence.

"But it'll heal if I have you guys."


	2. I gave you everything It wasn't enough

**Disclaimer: I do not own Shugo Chara or the songs from which the chapter titles came from. I do, however, own all OC's.**

**Pairings: Ikuto/OC, Ikuto/Amu, Minor Utau/Kukai and Rima/Nagihiko**

**OC information: A girl named Misaki Mashiro. She is the twin sister of Rima Mashiro and the soon-to-be ex-girlfriend of Ikuto. As was mentioned in the last chapter, she was invited to join Maru as an unofficial Guardian, but she declined. She has a sour relationship with Rima and Utau (Utau for obvious reasons).**

**Other OC's: Maru Nikaidou (Yuu Nikaidou's younger sister) and Chikako Amakawa (Tsukasa Amakawa's daughter)**

**Time period: Just after the final battle**

**((By the way, this final battle is different to the one in the manga/anime. I always imagined the final battle as an all-out attack against Easter. And this is the aftermath of it.))**

* * *

It's over.

It's over.

It's over.

It's all I can think. But strangely enough, the words don't bring despair. No, they bring hope. Because…

We won.

"HELL YEAH, EASTER!" Kukai cheers, punching the air triumphantly. "THAT'S HOW THE GUARDIANS DO IT, YOU HEAR?"

Kukai's declaration seems to shatter the shocked atmosphere and everyone starts cheering. Everywhere you look, there's someone cheering and laughing and screaming their hearts out.

I look to my right. I see Chikako and Yukari clutching at each other, shrieking happily and jumping up and down. They barely know each other, it's true, but they're so happy they don't even care. They probably don't even realise who they're grabbing. I also see Kukai clapping Kairi on the shoulder, a grin threatening to split his face. Kairi looks equally happy. Utau taps Kukai on the shoulder and surprises him with a kiss when he turns around.

I look to my left. I see Maru and Yaya with their hands linked, spinning around in circles. It's totally out of character from Maru, but she doesn't seem to care. The fighting is finally over, why should she care about how she looks?

I look behind me. That's what surprises me the most. Locked in a passionate embrace are Rima and Nagihiko. My sister and the boy she hated at first sight. The boy I saw her warm up to little by little. In the background I see Tadase trying to talk to Amu, but she's looking for someone and so he gives up. She runs off in one direction and I lose interest. I, too, am looking for someone. And I find him.

Ikuto is standing off to the side, smiling coolly. But the twinkle in his eyes betray his unruffled exterior. He's exhilarated and we all know it. I'm so happy because the one I love…is finally free. We can be together once and for all without anyone trying to interfere. The thought is so exciting that I start running towards him. But someone beats me there.

And that someone has a lithe figure, soft pink hair and sparkling golden eyes. Sparkling golden eyes that I've watched so many boys fall for. Amu jumps on Ikuto and starts kissing him passionately. I skid to a stop, my brow furrowed in confusion. Eventually I decide that it's Amu's fault and wait for Ikuto to push her away.

Ten seconds.

Twenty seconds.

Thirty seconds.

His arm moves and my hopes are raised, only to be dashed again when I see Ikuto is trying to deepen the kiss. His arms wraps around Amu's slim waist as he brings her closer to him.

_Oh, Ikuto._

'Well, Misaki,' I think to myself as I stare at Ikuto and Amu. 'It seems that you lost.'

But as the seconds turn to minutes, I realise something. I didn't just lose today. It would hurt slightly less if this was just a spur of the moment thing. No, I've lost a long time ago. The passion I saw in front of me (partly coming from a mere elementary school kid, to boot) didn't just happen at the blink of an eye. No, passion like this builds up over a period of time. Several months maybe. It's possible even a year. This passion has been building up before I met him. Humiliation burns through me and I think, 'Oh, Ikuto. You couldn't have warned me before I fell in love with you?'

I watch as Ikuto breaks the kiss and sweeps Amu up, bridal-style. The humiliation in me grows. Then I feel my sister's hand rest lightly on my shoulder and the humiliation gives way to heart break. I think what makes me snap is the fact that Rima – _my sister Rima_ – feels sorry for me. I realise the celebrations have stopped and everyone is gaping at Ikuto and Amu in shock. So of course, they're going to overhear what I say.

"Ikuto," I burst out. I don't mean to say it, but it comes out anyway. Ikuto and Amu look over at me. I think they'd forgotten I existed. I barrage on. "Please tell me this isn't happening."

It's a stupid request and I can tell by the way he's looking at me that he's thinking the same thing. He's giving me the same look he gives his friends when they're acting like idiots. For a moment I consider childishly yelling at Amu, 'Have you ever met his friends? Or doesn't he care enough for you?' but I focus on trying to stare at him without crying.

I try to plead with my eyes. I plead with him to drop Amu and laugh. To say he's only joking. Or for the real Ikuto to appear and ask what this imposter is doing with Amu. Anything, just as long as Ikuto will stop breaking my heart. But his own eyes seem to say, 'No deal.'

"It was bound to happen," Ikuto says bluntly. "We belong together."

Oh god.

Nonononononononononononono.

Ikuto wouldn't do this to me. Ikuto would never betray me like this. He's not like all the other boys who can't resist Amu. He's different. He's Ikuto. But maybe that's the exact reason why he would.

_My heart is breaking._

"Ikuto," I whisper, crushed. It's all I can get out. Maybe if I say his name enough times then it'll stop hurting when I say it.

Ikuto.

Ikuto.

Ikuto.

No, even thinking it hurts. Ikuto, how could you do this to me? Isn't it enough that I love you? I gave you everything, Ikuto, so why wasn't it enough? Why did you have to go running off to Amu? What can she give you that I can't? Is it because she's prettier than me? It is, isn't it?

I'm painfully aware of everyone's pitying gazes on my back. I turn around slightly to try and draw strength from the presence of my best friends. But then my gaze meets Utau's and her gaze is filled with such pity that I look back at Ikuto.

Oh god. Even Utau feels sorry for me.

"Please don't do this," I plead with him. It's too late though. Ikuto turns around.

"Sorry," is all he says, before he character changes with Yoru and jumps over the buildings into the sunset with Amu clutched protectively in his arms. Desperation wells up in me and before I know it, I'm sobbing like a little baby.

"IKUTO!" I scream until my lungs start burning and I have to take a breath. But I don't pause for long. "PLEASE! I NEED YOU!"

His ear twitches but he doesn't turn around.

He heard me. But he doesn't care that he destroyed me.

And then I feel my heart break in my chest.

* * *

I don't know when or how, but soon I'm in a clean white apartment. I vaguely remember one set small delicate hands and one set of soft, slender hands pulling me along and change me into a pair of soft flannel pyjamas that smell like perfume. Then I blink and I'm sitting on a double bed (or maybe it just felt like that). One leg has fallen off the bed so I'm awkwardly half-on, half-off it. The room I'm in is fairly large. Enough for a bookshelf, a TV, a bed and a couch. The couch is positioned so that it's facing the foot of the bed. The door opens and Rima walks in. She must have been the pair of smaller hands that brought me here. She's also in a pair of pyjamas. Without batting an eyelid, she walks over and puts my leg back on the bed. Then she walks around the bed and sits next to me.

"Rima, where are we?" I ask softly. I feel so confused. Or at least I would, if the pain in my chest wasn't blocking out everything. Rima doesn't look surprised that I don't know.

"We're in Utau-chan's apartment. She offered to bring you here and when she asked if I could stay to take care of you…it just sealed the deal."

Surprise lurches through me. It blocks out the pain for just a second. Utau _hates_ me. And so I tell my sister. But then a frosty voice says from the doorway, "Yes, because I let everyone I hate stay in my bed and force me to sleep on the couch."

I look up. Utau is standing there holding a duvet, a pillow and a plastic bag filled with items. She too is in pyjamas. We're all wearing similar pyjamas. Utau must have lent us them. Was Utau the owner of the other pair of hands that brought me here and changed me? Utau crosses the room and dumps the duvet and pillow on the sofa, then clambers onto the bed.

I must be dreaming. Or better yet, I've fallen into another world. One where my sister cares about me, Utau doesn't hate me and Ikuto-

Pain zaps through my chest and I whimper, pressing a hand over my eyes. If just thinking Ikuto's name hurts, I have no idea what I'm going to do if I have to face him again.

"How could he do this to me?" I whisper, bringing my knees up and burying my face in my thighs. "I loved him."

Utau laughs bitterly. "In case you haven't noticed, Ikuto has a habit of stepping on the people who love him."

Of course. The whole reason Utau hates me. Because she loved Ikuto, but he loved me. Well guess what Utau? I guess we're on the same boat now. We've both gotten our heart crushed by Ikuto. Maybe we'll get lucky and Ikuto will hurt Amu, too. No, Misaki, that's a terrible thought! You should be happy for them. Besides, you know what they say. Third time's a charm.

"I thought he loved me too," I say into my thighs, my voice muffled. "So why would he run off with Amu-san?"

"Because he's an idiot," Rima says softly. She curls a hand around my wrist. "Please don't cry, Misaki. He's not worth it."

"He's my world, Rima," I whisper back in a shaky voice. Because he is. He's been my world since I met him and at this moment, it feels like he'll be my world until I die. "He's worth it to me."

"There's plenty of other fish in the sea," Utau quotes, before blinking in surprise as if she hadn't meant to speak. I snort.

"Ikuto's a cat. He'd eat those fish."

Utau opens her mouth, then closes it and shakes her head. "Last time I ever use a clichéd saying," she mutters.

Maybe it's my fault he's with Amu. Maybe I didn't see him often enough. We only saw each other during lunch. Sometimes on the weekend if we bumped into each other. Or maybe I was too clingy. I saw him every day. Almost. Oh god, the fact that I don't know why he left me is driving me crazy. Almost as much as the fact that he did.

Almost.

"Oh god," I choke through my sobs. "It hurts so much."

I'm shocked when, for the first time in our lives, Rima acts like an older sister (she's older by fifteen minutes) and pulls me close to her. She strokes my hair as I cry into her shoulder. And even though this is Rima whose shoulder I'm crying into, I keep clutching at her and let all the hurt and pain pour out of my eyes. Having my sister there for me feels…nice. Like her arms are pillows that protect me from everything in the world that is being sent my way. It's like I've fallen off a bridge that is much narrower than I thought it would be, and Rima is the person who's trying to stop me from falling.

"It'll be okay, Misaki," Rima whispers in my ear, continuing to stroke my hair. "It'll be okay. Let it all out."

I so badly want to believe her. I want it to be okay. I want to forget about him. I want one day to be able to laugh and say, 'Ikuto? Who's that?'. But all I can think of is the words that I heard Nagihiko's mother say to Maru at a sleepover when she found her crying over a bad break-up. "_The hurt lessens over time, but it never disappears completely_." Even Chikako had agreed with the words.

"I just want the pain to stop," I say miserably.

"I want it to stop, too," Rima tells me. "Because you're my sister. Please, Misaki, he's not worth it."

"But he feels worth it!" I wail. "I don't want to feel like he's worth it, but it does! I would have died for him, but-"

"And you are," Utau cut in. She glowers at me with those large purple eyes. "Don't you see what you're doing? You're killing _yourself_. Ikuto probably isn't even thinking about you right now but you're still killing yourself over him."

Something inside me snaps. "Because I love him!" I scream at Utau. I want to go over and slap her pretty face.

"Well I did too!" Utau yells back. "Do you really think you're the only girl whose heart has been broken by Ikuto? Don't you think that I've been hurt by him? But did I act like a complete sap and sob my eyes out? No! I waited it out and because of it, I have Kukai-kun!"

The room is dead silent as Utau finally stops ranting. Her cheeks are flushed from her anger. I don't know what to say. For some reason, it never really registered in my brain that Utau had her heart broken by Ikuto. I mean, I knew she loved him. You'd have to be blind not to. But to have her heart actually broken by him…I guess…we really are on the same boat. For some reason the thought doesn't scare me as much as it should.

"Utau-chan," Rima says quietly. "Don't yell at her. You did cry when you found out Ikuto was dating Misaki. Amu-chan saw you."

I blink and look over at Utau. I really made strong, seemingly unbreakable Utau cry?

Utau just clicks her tongue in annoyance and looks away. I could've sworn I saw a blush on her cheeks though. "Whatever."

Utau reaches back and picks up the plastic bag that she had brought in. It looks considerably full and I think I see a spoon sticking out of it. Utau upends the bag onto the bed, letting the contents spill out. Yep, I was right. There is a spoon. There's several, in fact. Inside the bag (now on the bed) was a few cartons of ice cream, blocks of chocolate, bottles of soft drink and some packets of chips. Rima blinks, touching one of the bottles.

"Utau-chan…"

"I was at the shops before..." Utau mutters, looking stubbornly away with her arms crossed over her chest. "…and I thought she might need food. Even if she _is_ acting like a spineless little bug."

Yes, Utau, just throw in that jab at me. God forbid you miss it.

Still, I can't say that I'm not touched that she actually thought of me. Or that the junk food looks oddly appealing right now. So I grab the closest thing to me (a carton of ice cream) and a spoon, flick off the lid and start eating it like my life depended on it. I don't care that it's half-melted, or that it's triple chocolate fudge (my most hated flavour, since I don't have a very big sweet tooth), or that I'm barely tasting it as it goes down my throat, or that the sweetness is sticking to the inside of my throat. I just want to eat until the emptiness inside me is filled. Because whenever I was sad before, Ikuto would-

Suddenly, it becomes very hard to swallow my ice cream. And since it stays in my mouth, I actually get to taste it. Oh god. I gag and dive for a bottle of soft drink. I quickly undo the lid. It fizzes up but I put my mouth over the top before the fizz can escape. The sweetness from the soft drink is only slightly better than the sweetness from the ice cream, but it's still better. Except now I feel like shoving a stick of salt down my throat. Well…chips are the next best thing. I grab a packet and open it, practically inhaling the packet. Much better. Except now…

"Oh god," I whimper, clapping a hand over my mouth as my stomach churns. "I feel sick."

"Serves you right," Utau mutters. "You weren't supposed to eat everything at once, idiot."

"Why the hell did I just do that?" I moan, flopping back. Rima delicately breaks off a piece of chocolate and pops it in her mouth, watching me carefully.

"Binge eating is never the way to cure heartbreak…" Rima says softly, then in true Rima fashion, adds, "Stupid."

"It seemed like a good idea," I mumble weakly, pressing my hands over my eyes so hard that little spots dance behind my eyelids. Because the more I focus on filling the empty spot in me, the less I have to focus on the reason the empty spot is there. I turn onto my side and curl up into a ball. "Rima…why would he do that?"

I know I must have asked it about a hundred times, but I need to know. What did I do wrong? Did I say something bad? Did I do something to upset him? What does Amu have that I don't? But I can the latter the last question without even having to think about it.

His heart.

"Because he's so weak he couldn't even resist Amu-chan," Rima answers. It's not a good enough answer. Because she can say it over and over again, but it won't stop '_he's not weak to me'_ echoing in my head. But then Utau gives me an answer. It's an answer that makes me burst into tears and throw my arms around her in a hug (she's too surprised to do anything). It's an answer that is so true that it hurts. It's an answer that is what bonds all of us together.

"Because he's Ikuto."


End file.
